Dear Friend,

I remember years ago, someone told me I should take caution when it comes to life, I did. And so can you. To hear about how much you have suffered, all this time really hurt me and now things make sense. I'm here to help you and guide you. Don't be afraid. Something like Depression is a tough thing to handle, especially by yourself and I thank God you can through this hurdle with support from your family, because I never had the chance of family support myself. iRecoverBipolar is my support. This is my self-therapy, my safe haven, my addiction, my bipolar world, and I want to let you in and share it with you. I promise to be there for you whenever you need me or any of our other friends in our place of education, I'll do my best to answer your questions to the best of my ability and experience and let you know that you're not alone. 

Take charge of your life, think happiness, and always speak what's on your mind. Never bottle things up, I learned that the hard way. I want you to visit this site because through my experiences, it may give you something more clear to focus on, to understand what's in your mind, the way your brain thinks and why it appears so. Don't worry, you won't figure everything out overnight, it took me three years. Just be patient, and things will begin to shape up.

I love you, I'm here to support you all the way so keep holding on :)

So I'm sitting in the 4 walls of the theory room in college. Silence. Peaceful. A bit too peaceful. The bipolar wave has attacked me, and I'm drowning in a sea of depression. So, people tend to ask: "Are you okay?" Well...

Today is a bad day. Really bad. DOnt get me wrong I do have bad days some days, but there's something about today. Life hurts. Despite being one of those fast running bipolar people, I have done and achieved something rather specatular, I survived and kept of going. And I will keep on going, there really isnt any time to stop. Although the pressure of fast thoughts isnt trying to penetrate my skull in a bid for freedom, the visuals and slowness of my lobes are visually evident on my face. You can't see the tears, but they are there, on standby.

The emotional pressure, temptation to spend too much, drink too much, other peoples’ expectations of us (or our distorted perceptions of them) is upon us- the list of triggers and stressors just go on and on.  Welcome to the Christmas Holdiays. One of the worst times for a bipolar person to be dealing with right now.

This is the holiday us bipolars dread the most and thats because the mood shifts challenge the struggle to stay sane. It’s holiday time, and this is my guide on how you can stay focused and not end up being sectioned by New Years Eve.

Can you believe the nonsense that mixed states in bipolar bring upon you? After 8 weeks of getting a decent job that pays pretty well for a person who doesn’t have to budget on anything, it slipped through my fingers. This evening I got a call:

Employer: Hello, I was just wondering if you were coming into work tomorrow?

Me: Erm, no (Im trying to take control of my life, i have no time for you)

Employer: Because you missed work last week, and i am very disappointed that you didnt even bother to call in.

Me: (Look, stuff you and your poxy job!) Okay then…And your point is?

Employer: You should have called.

Me: Well my contract is ending next Saturday, so I’ll come in when I feel like it.

*Hung up the phone*

Yeah, I most certainly got fired after that, I missed 3 days of work in a row. I got an email later saying that the keys need to be returned and the uniform also.

Ah, here we are. It’s now time for me to introduce the special circle of hell reserved for the manic depressive: the Mixed Episode. Somewhere, it’s become all serious!

A mixed episode (also known as dysphoric mania or, for depression with hypomania, agitated depression) bears a little explanation. It is literally a mix of manic and depressive symptoms at the same time. It’s generally considered as the most dangerous of mood states, being that if you want to kill yourself, you have all the energy and frantic invention necessary at your disposal with which realise that particular dream.

However, few people with bipolar disorder experience these episodes. The reason? It is strictly defined as mania and depression for a week; leaving out hypomania, thus nobody with bipolar II or cyclothymia has ever had a mixed episode. Take it from me, that the DSM-IV needs updating. But lucky me, eh, bipolar I, so, by the DSM-IV rules, anything goes.

Today I have found myself sitting on my bed with my laptop keeping my legs warm and I thought- What better day to sit down and push out a blog out about rest.

I think I started realizing (from the push of others' opinions) there was something not right about me (I mean seriously not right) when I was aged 15/16/17... - Yes, 3 years in denial was strongly strife- Immediately after this discovery, only this year, I let it swallow me whole.
When you suffer all time highs (what you guys call mania) and you DON'T acknowledge it, a lot of very strange things happen to you.

Addiction becomes a pretty little friend, along with promiscuity, and zero ability to sleep.. but you won't realize ANY of this at the time, convincing yourself it's a normal thing...Later you will feel like poop, and most likely hate yourself for the plunge you just took, if you remember it. I call it a plunge because when it all crashes into you and explodes.. everything plunges in one direction, down. At least that's how it felt for me. Now I have a whole new appreciation for the  expression "What goes up, must come down" It felt like I was trying to piece together the events of someone else's life, because there was no way in hell any of that could have really been me. And boy, did I refuse to believe so.

You could compile an entire book of quotes comparing love to complete madness. But of all the psychological issues in the DSM-IV, only one really resembles the experience of love. “An illness that is unique in conferring advantage and pleasure,” writes Dr. Kay Jamison in one of the most famous memoirs of bipolar illness, An Unquiet Mind . It’s easy to confuse love with mania, Jamison says. The trouble is that love is fleeting. There’s no cure for bipolar.

The popular caricature of the disease — people swinging rapidly between happiness and sadness — isn’t the whole story. Most of us may have been unhappy enough at one time or another to recognize a fit of depression, but the other half of the disease (the mania that leads to everything from religious fervor to shopaholism to insatiable libido) is much harder to fathom. For instance, hypomania, a mild form of mania characterized by enviable productivity, can lead to what is called a “mixed episode,” in which the bipolar individual is both miserable and energetic enough to do something about it.